Talyplar

"gulak as, oglum, men bu sözleri sen süýji ukuda ýatan wagtyň aýdýaryn: sen çepiksije eliňi ýaňajygyň aşagynda goýupsyň, mymyjak mele saçlaryň bolsa çygjaran maňlaýyňa ýelmeşipdir. men bir özüm seniň ýatan otagyňa daraklygyma basyp girdim. birnäçe minut mundan ozal, kitaphanada gazet okap otyrkam biçak gaty ökünç aladasy meniň üstüme labyryny atdy. häzir günämi boýun alyp seniň krowadyň ýanyna geldim. gör, men nämäň pikirini etdim, oglum. men gaharymy senden çykarjak bolan ekenim. mekdebe gitjek bolup geýnip durkaň, öl polotensany ýaňy ýüzüňe ýetiren wagtyň, men saňa gaty käýýedim. köwşüňi arassalamanyň üçinem ýüzüňi aldym. eşikleriňden bir zady ýere taşlan gezegiňem üstüňe herrelipdim. çaý dökeniň üçin, çörege mesgäni juda köp çalyp, açgözlük bilen iýýäniň üçin, tirsegiňi stola diräniň sebäpli, ertirlik naharyň başynda-da men saňa igendim. onsoň sen-ä oýnamaga ugradyň, menem otla ýetişjek bolup alňasadym, sen şonda maňa tarap öwrüldiň-de, eliňi bulaýlap: "sag bol, kaka!" diýdiň, men weli ýüz-gözümi çytyp: "egniňi gysma!" diýip, gygyrdym. soňra, günüň ahyrynda, bary ýene täzeden başlandy. ýol bilen öýe barýarkam, seniň dyzanaklap şar oýnaýanyňy gördüm. joraplaryňam deşilen eken. “jorabyň bahasy gymmat – ony der döküp öz gazanjyňa satyn almaly bolaýsaň, onda ony aýap geýerdiň!” diýip, hüňürdäp, öňüme salyp alyp gaýdanymda, men seni ýoldaşlaryň arasynda kemsidipdim. bir pikir et, oglum, bu zatlar atanyň ogla diýjek sözlerimidir!?” ýadyňdamy, bir gezek sen kitaphana girdiň, ol ýerde men gazet okap otyrdym, sen çekinýärdiň, ýygrylýardyň. men okap oturan gazetimiň üstaşyry gözümi alardyp seretmek bilen maňa päsgel berenligiňi aňdyrdym, sen ýaýdanyp, iç işikde saklandyň. menem: “saňa näme gerek?” diýip, azmly soradym. sen hiç zat diýmediň-de, maňa tarap topulyp, boýnumdan gujakladyň-da, ogşadyň. seniň eljagazlaryň hudaýyň ýüregiňe guýan mähri bilen, hatda, meniň saňa ýowuz daramagym zerarly-da öçmedik mähir bilen boýnuma oraşypdy. soňra, aýajyklaryňy basgançaklara basyp, ýokary çykyp gitdiň. hawa, oglum, ana, şondan soň, elimdäki gazet syrylyp ýere gaçdy-da, meniň kalbymy eýmenç ýürekgysdyryjy gorky eýeledi. ýaramaz gylyk meni nä güne salypdyr?! kiçijik oglanlygyň üçin meniň saňa bar eden sowgadym – gaharlanmak, igenmek, daşyňy galdamak boldy. men seni gowy göremokdym diýip bilmen, gep başga zatda, men çagadan has köp zada garaşypdyryn, seni hem özüm ýaly etjek bolupdyryn. seniň hüý-häsiýetiňde weli ajapdan-ajap zatlar, ýürekdeşlik gaty köp. seniň kiçijik ýüregiň baýyrlaryň aňyrsyndan dogup gelýän şapak ýaly, uly hem tämiz. ýatmaga gitmeziň öň ýany meni gujaklamak hem ogşamak üçin topulaňda bu zatlara gowy göz ýetirdim. men garaňkyda utançly halda seniň krowadyň ýanyna gelip, dyzyma çökdüm! bu gün başga hiç zadyň ähmiýeti ýok, oglum. elbetde, bu günäni ýuwan kişi bolmak. oýanan wagtyň saňa bu zatlary gürrüň bersem, düşünmejegiňi bilýän. ýöne men ertirden başlap hakyky ata bolaryn! men indi seniň bilen agzybir boljak, sen ejir çekseň seniň bilen çekerin, begenen ýeriňde-de begenerin. nähili gaharym gelse-de, indi dilimi dişlärin. men hemişe doga sanan ýaly: "ol entek çaga, kiçijik oglan ahyry" diýen sözleri gaýtalaryn. dogrusy, seni öz aňymda uly adam hökmünde görüpdirin. ýöne, häzir krowadyňda süýji ukuda ýatyrkaň görenimde, seniň entek çagadygyňa düşündim. sen dek düýnem ejeň elinde, başyňy onyň egnine ýaplapjyk durduň ahyry. men senden juda köp zady, uçursyz köp zady talap edipdirin." w. livingston larned

milliyetçi

15 years ago

original warianty:

father forgets

by: w. livingston larned

listen, son: i am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. i have stolen into your room alone. just a few minutes ago, as i sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. guilty i came to your bedside.

these are the things i was thinking, son: i had been cross to you. i scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. i took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. i called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

at breakfast i found fault, too. you spilled things. you gulped down your food. you put your elbows on the table. you spread butter too thick on your bread. and as you started off to play and i made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "goodbye, daddy!" and i frowned, and said in reply, "hold your shoulders back!"

then it began all over again in the late afternoon. as i came up the road i spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. there were holes in your stockings. i humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. stockings were expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! imagine that, son, from a father!

do you remember, later, when i was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? when i glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "what is it you want?" i snapped.

you said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that god had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. and then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. what has habit been doing to me? the habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to you for being a boy. it was not that i did not love you; it was that i expected too much of youth. i was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

and there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. the little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. this was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. nothing else matters tonight, son. i have come to your bed side in the darkness, and i have knelt there, ashamed!

it is a feeble atonement; i know you would not understand these things if i told them to you during your waking hours. but tomorrow i will be a real daddy! i will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. i will bite my tongue when impatient words come. i will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "he is nothing but a boy - a little boy!"

i am afraid i have visualized you as a man. yet as i see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, i see that you are still a baby. yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder. i have asked too much, too much.

Bayram-Jm

Tüweleme gowy ýazgy. Meni pikire batyrdy. Hemme kakalaram çagalaryny ýokardaky ýaly terbiýeleýärler. Meniñ pikirimçe sho dogry diýip pikir etýän. Sebäbi çagany köp läliksiretmeli däl. Beý diýdigim bilen gynabam ýörmeli däl. Çaga uly üns bermeli. Häzirki ene-atalar ishden ýaña çagalaryna üns berenoklar. Çagada köçe terbiýesini alýar. Ýaman endiklere bash goshýar. (çilim, nas çekmek, arak içmek).
Offtopik bolup barýar. Gysgaça aýtsam çagalaryñ bilen köp wagt geçirmeli.:)

Daaash edipsiñ milliýetçi dost. Sagja bol!
Ýöne ýene käbir bilmeýän sözlerim bardy: paranoýa, shizifreniýa, genotsyd.
Please!!!;)

p.s. Shu ýazgyny men "düshüniksiz sözler" diýen bloga ýazdym. Ol blokda meniñ ýazýanym çykanok.

daaash edipsiñ milliýetçi dost. sagja bol!
ýöne ýene käbir bilmeýän sözlerim bardy: paranoýa, shizifreniýa, genotsyd.
please!!!
p.s. shu ýazgyny men "düshüniksiz sözler" diýen bloga ýazdym. ol blokda meniñ ýazýanym çykanok.
bayram-jm | 2009-01-29 05:42:34

baýram, men seň sözleriň terjimesiniň käbirlerini ýazypdym. galanyny ertir, ýa-da birigün ýazaryn-da. häzir gaýtjak bolup durun.

shaguly1991

dostlar gijirakdir welin bagyshlarsynyzda, men sizin "ata okunji" tekstynyzy we terjimanizi shu wagt okadym we ol meni gaty cunnur oylanma getirdi! Gaty gowy agzalar sheyle saklalyn!!!

halk

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